Life...and all that jazz

I don't even know where to start. So much has happened. I know I said this blog would be mainly about the fun stuff we do as a family, but let's face it, that doesn't always happen.

We were hit a blow recently, when Grandma was rushed to the Cleveland Clinic due to her health. My grandma, what can I say? She is stuck in her ways, it's her way or the highway, she about passed out when I got a tattoo let alone when Jeromy and I moved in together before marriage...she told you what she thought, how she feels, and she didn't apologize for it. My grandma is the best person God ever made. As I am writing this, I'm tearing up. It's very difficult to see the ones you love in pain. While visiting her at the Cleveland Clinic, I realized that yes she is still grandma....but NO she really isn't. One minute she knows who you are, the next second she doesn't remember. I don't want to get into details about her health, it doesn't change anything. What I do want to talk about is the void. The void you feel when you can't pick up the phone and call her to tell her about the boys days. The void you feel when you want to go out to dinner with her and grandpa, but you now realize that isn't possible. The void you feel when you look at your kids and realize she isn't going to see them grow up. No more tea parties with grandma (when I was little, those were the best...she made real tea and served them from a real tea pot and tea cups...I have them and proudly display them in my house now) No more shopping at KMart (she loved that store) My heart is breaking for her. She is in a home now and when I went to visit her yesterday she kept asking me to take her home. Then she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Before long Emily, I'm going to be 6 feet under." She is really ill, but it's not something I want her to think about, nor do I want to think about it. She is the glue that holds this whole family together. I absolutely adore her (even if I don't always agree with her) and this is one of the hardest things we've ever been thru as a family. I need to stop writing for now as I'm crying to the point I can't see the computer screen. Please continue keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. Mainly, I'm looking for peace for grandma. She needs it, she just needs peace.